Home Selling Advice For Sellers:

  1. Overprice your home. Everyone knows the price is not really the price. Don't worry when nobody comes by your house to look. Someday some little green men from Mars will land in your neighborhood and think your house is the best deal in the universe. You will get your price, well maybe not in U.S. Currency, but by then we may all be using the Euro anyway.
  2. Don't pick up your laundry. Why bother? Any buyer who wants your home will be looking for a "homey" place. What's a home without boxers or briefs laying around?
  3. Follow the buyers around so you can explain to them how little time you have to do the basic ordinary repairs. Oh and don't forget to tell them about all the things you were "going to do" one day.
  4. When the showing service calls, be sure to negotiate a time different than what the consumers would like. Heck, why make it easy for them to see your home, being easy is a sign of weakness.
  5. Don't bother to paint the failed color walls. Yes, they looked like crap from the very first day you opened the Sherwin Williams can, but geeze whiz! Your Realtor can describe the outlandish, headache producing colors as "DESIGNER INTERIOR" and perhaps find a niche buyer who is color blind.
  6. Never put Fido and Rex outside. Everyone knows a barking, jumping dog is adorable. Pets ad a special dimension to a home that can only be appreciated when the pet is begging for attention. Having multiple pets on the premises makes the experience even more pleasurable. Loudly barking dogs have been known to help the buyer imagine what the home would sound like with their own loudly barking dogs. The buyers will appreciate your unbelievable consideration.
  7. When showing the buyers around the home, preface every statement with, "well with a full price offer, I will...." Laying out firm negotiation terms is always very helpful particularly prior to the buyer ever expressing any desire to purchase your home.
  8. Never prepare for inspection items. So what that 100% of home inspectors will state your furnace should be "cleaned and serviced by a licensed HVAC professional." Since they are going to ask, there is no sense in showing an eagerness to be prepared, so wait. There is an off-chance that the Martians haven't started using home inspectors therefore you may be able to slink away without spending a fiver on the filter. Clean furnace filters are so over-rated.
  9. Don't waste time fixing the front door lock. Most people never use the front door, everyone knows the most common entrance is through the garage door! The only people who will be using the front door are the buyers. The key WILL work if you pull the door forward while pushing the bottom of the door with your right foot and holding the knob slightly left while pressing somewhat to the right at the same time pushing the bottom part of the key to the upper edge of the left side and pushing very hard. IF the door doesn't open try a little extra force with your right shoulder, but not too much as it is a hollow core door and if you push too hard the door will fly off the hinges, again. Just prepare these instructions and email them to the showing secretary so she can carefully read them to the agents calling for a showing. Besides fixing a door lock now is really a waste of energy since the new home owner will probably want new locks anyway.
  10. Don't bother to shovel the snow off the walk. Buyers love to know they are the very first to view a home. The best way to demonstrate this is to let the sidewalks collect ice and snow as deep as you can get it. Buyers will be able to see footprints. If there are no footprints in the snow, then they know they are the first to view your home. Be sure to make them take off their shoes after walking in the deep snow, otherwise you will have water puddles in your home. Don't provide a rug for the buyers to place their shoes on. It's best the buyers leave their shoes outside, to keep the snow clung frozen to the shoes rather than in your house. The buyers don't mind walking around barefoot on a chilly floor. If you can't make the time to be at the house, be sure to make a big sign and place it outside on your door. It will save you lots of time and trouble.

(Disclaimer: The above hints are purely fictional. If any represent a current, past or future seller it is totally accidental. None of these hints have ever been used in entirety by one seller. In part well...I'll never tell!)